So, as I’m looking at my posts for the last few days, it occurs to me that there’s been a lot of “taking” going on around here lately. Taking care of copyright, taking my own path, taking self-portraits…take, take, take! Well, that’s hardly cool, is it? I mean, there’s got to be a little giving going on too, or things are going to get all out of whack in a big hurry. Balance, people. The secret to success for a great many things is balance. <big breath> Ahh. That’s better.

Found this on the Nayland College (Health Education) website, NZ.
It is a lesson, I am afraid, that I have had the displeasure of learning the hard way. Being a “people pleaser” by nature, I far too often have said “yeah, sure” to things and people that did very little to give back. Which, of course, has led to periods of utter exhaustion, black-holed emptiness, and even complete burn out. Baaad Kate! Now, I’m not talking the little things – a small favour here, a little gift there, that sort of thing. I adore these little things, and the mere act of doing them and receiving a heart-felt “thank you” is often reward enough. I’m talking long-term relationships or job commitments or lifestyle choices – things that have the potential to wear you out over a period of months, or even years. If it doesn’t nurture you somehow in return, then you’re going to be left with a mighty empty cookie jar, and a hollow leg to fill.
For the longest time I operated under the misconception that reciprocity had to be equal in all ways, shapes, forms. “If they put one of our guys in the hospital, we put one of theirs in the hospital“. Tat for tat (teehee). Yeah, it just doesn’t work that way. It wasn’t until I shacked up with my now husband that I learned the true nature of sharing, and that in a healthy relationship reciprocity is usually unsymmetrical, but balanced. The most obvious way I learned this lesson was with money. Even though I grew up believing that every person should “pay their own way”, neither of us has ever made the same wages, so it was impossible to contribute equally to rent and food and date nights and so forth. We had to compromise and find a solution that would make us both happy. So we did.

The beautiful coins of Australia, taken on our 2008 trip.
Nowadays, we contribute completely differently to our family life. Based on our strengths and resources and likes etc., we contribute different things, but to similar degrees so that neither of us feels like we’re being unfairly taken advantage of. There are also many “thank yous” in our day to day living, so that we both feel appreciated, valued, and that we’re not doing things in vain. The minor blowouts we experience are usually when things get out of balance, so we work hard to quickly find equilibrium again. It’s a good model to apply to other situations, I think. Maintaining the cyclic ebb-and-flow in a situation – remembering that the waves will come in varying shapes and sizes, but that the ocean must remain the same – plus tossing in healthy dose gratitude from all sides and you’re good to go.
With that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for visiting my blog. On the one hand, I am rewarded daily for my creative efforts by simply having something NEW that I’ve created. It’s also given me a non-stay-at-home-mommy outlet for my creative “urges” and given me a chance to reconnect with “other” self. Woo-hoo! But, your feedback has been MUCH appreciated. Your input and comments and questions are icing on an otherwise delicious cake – mmm, cake!
So. I’m proposing to give a little extra back today. In appreciation of YOUR efforts, I would like to reward 5 of you with a small gift of KateWares. If you leave me a message in the comment section – tell me what you think of the blog, what you’d like to see in future posts, what you had for breakfast this morning even – I will randomly select 5 of you and send you each a little something in the mail. (Or, I’ll bring you something when I meet you for tea one day, as most of you at this point are my nearest and dearest.
) If you are chosen and I don’t already have a way to contact you, I will e-mail you, m’kay? Alrighty then – comment away!
But first…
A little something…
I had to move…
A little lower…
So you wouldn’t get…
All distracted.

A few more self-portraits, but of a completely different side of me.

It’s all about the balance, isn’t it?
A Time to Give
So, as I’m looking at my posts for the last few days, it occurs to me that there’s been a lot of “taking” going on around here lately. Taking care of copyright, taking my own path, taking self-portraits…take, take, take! Well, that’s hardly cool, is it? I mean, there’s got to be a little giving going on too, or things are going to get all out of whack in a big hurry. Balance, people. The secret to success for a great many things is balance. <big breath> Ahh. That’s better.
Found this on the Nayland College (Health Education) website, NZ.
It is a lesson, I am afraid, that I have had the displeasure of learning the hard way. Being a “people pleaser” by nature, I far too often have said “yeah, sure” to things and people that did very little to give back. Which, of course, has led to periods of utter exhaustion, black-holed emptiness, and even complete burn out. Baaad Kate! Now, I’m not talking the little things – a small favour here, a little gift there, that sort of thing. I adore these little things, and the mere act of doing them and receiving a heart-felt “thank you” is often reward enough. I’m talking long-term relationships or job commitments or lifestyle choices – things that have the potential to wear you out over a period of months, or even years. If it doesn’t nurture you somehow in return, then you’re going to be left with a mighty empty cookie jar, and a hollow leg to fill.
For the longest time I operated under the misconception that reciprocity had to be equal in all ways, shapes, forms. “If they put one of our guys in the hospital, we put one of theirs in the hospital“. Tat for tat (teehee). Yeah, it just doesn’t work that way. It wasn’t until I shacked up with my now husband that I learned the true nature of sharing, and that in a healthy relationship reciprocity is usually unsymmetrical, but balanced. The most obvious way I learned this lesson was with money. Even though I grew up believing that every person should “pay their own way”, neither of us has ever made the same wages, so it was impossible to contribute equally to rent and food and date nights and so forth. We had to compromise and find a solution that would make us both happy. So we did.
The beautiful coins of Australia, taken on our 2008 trip.
Nowadays, we contribute completely differently to our family life. Based on our strengths and resources and likes etc., we contribute different things, but to similar degrees so that neither of us feels like we’re being unfairly taken advantage of. There are also many “thank yous” in our day to day living, so that we both feel appreciated, valued, and that we’re not doing things in vain. The minor blowouts we experience are usually when things get out of balance, so we work hard to quickly find equilibrium again. It’s a good model to apply to other situations, I think. Maintaining the cyclic ebb-and-flow in a situation – remembering that the waves will come in varying shapes and sizes, but that the ocean must remain the same – plus tossing in healthy dose gratitude from all sides and you’re good to go.
With that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for visiting my blog. On the one hand, I am rewarded daily for my creative efforts by simply having something NEW that I’ve created. It’s also given me a non-stay-at-home-mommy outlet for my creative “urges” and given me a chance to reconnect with “other” self. Woo-hoo! But, your feedback has been MUCH appreciated. Your input and comments and questions are icing on an otherwise delicious cake – mmm, cake!
So. I’m proposing to give a little extra back today. In appreciation of YOUR efforts, I would like to reward 5 of you with a small gift of KateWares. If you leave me a message in the comment section – tell me what you think of the blog, what you’d like to see in future posts, what you had for breakfast this morning even – I will randomly select 5 of you and send you each a little something in the mail. (Or, I’ll bring you something when I meet you for tea one day, as most of you at this point are my nearest and dearest.
) If you are chosen and I don’t already have a way to contact you, I will e-mail you, m’kay? Alrighty then – comment away!
But first…
A little something…
I had to move…
A little lower…
So you wouldn’t get…
All distracted.
A few more self-portraits, but of a completely different side of me.
It’s all about the balance, isn’t it?
Tags: balance, comment, equilibrium, give and take, gratitude, Photography, reciprocity, self-portraits, stay-at-home-mom, thank yous
Posted in Musings, Photography | 13 Comments »